He is my portion

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

Psalm 73:26

This has been my life verse since I was fifteen years old. You know those stories of people opening their Bibles to a random page and pointing to a random verse...well, that is how I discovered this verse. I was at rehearsal camp for Tour 3 2004 with the Continental Singers and I was struggling to make it through a choreography session. My new friend Joanna was facing the same struggle, so she suggested we look up a verse to help us persevere through the coming hours of sweat and pain. We opened the Bible, flipped to a random page, laughing at how silly our actions seemed. The verse we pointed to was so far out of context we laughed some more. We tried one more time during our quick drink break. We opened the Bible, flipped to a random page, and found this verse. It was perfect! We memorized the verse in record time and returned to dancing. We constantly looked at each other during the rest of the session and smiled, knowing we were both repeating the verse in our heads.

At that point in time, I had no idea what impact this verse would have on my life in the coming years.

When I returned from South Africa in 2006 while again touring with the Continentals, I passed out from dehydration. This sparked a two year battle with stress management, fainting, and panic attacks. Since this time, my body continues to be impacted heavily by stress. Remember, I am an overachieving, ambitious, focused person. I am stressed ALL the time. In the past year of my post baccalaureate program, interning, working, and student teaching, stress has caused different problems for my health. For the most part, I have done an incredibly poor job of remembering this verse and leaning on God.

I reflect on my health struggles tonight because my great uncle passed away a few hours ago. He has been battling cancer for a number of years now. At the same time, his wife, his sister (my grandma on my dad's side), my mom, my grandparents on my mom's side, and numerous other family members have been fighting all ranges of health issues from heart to backs to dementia to unexplainable. In the midst of this, it is so easy to focus on the here-and-now and to dwell on the struggles of the moment...which is what we have been doing. (I guess I should say "what I have been doing"; I cannot speak for the others around me.)

In the past week though, God has really stolen my attention. I have been unable to see anything but God's hand in my health struggles and in my great uncle's losing battle. Between last Friday and today, my uncle's health deteriorated from "normal" to nothing. In the midst of all this, Mel and his wife continually sought out their nephew for prayer and guidance. Their nephew is my dad. Though this week has been incredibly draining for my dad, the opportunities he has had to witness to my family are overwhelming. In the history of my family, the doors have NEVER been open for opportunities like this. My dad's side of the family does not believe in God and His incredible sacrifice. In my limited perspective, it seems that God is using Mel's sickness and death to shake and reach my family - particularly my grandma and grandpa.

Mel is at home with the Lord, free from pain and suffering. Here on Earth, though, we are grieving. My grandma is in so much pain and anguish. I pray that her heart is soft and ready to listen, to take the yoke of the Lord upon her and rest in His strength. He is enough! Only He can carry my grandma through this painful, grief-filled time.

God is our portion - He is enough. No matter what I am facing, no matter what you are facing, no matter what your neighbor or coworker are facing, God is big. He is exactly what we need to face any struggle. Our flesh and our hearts do fail, but we do not need to worry. God is enough!